Loneliness is eternal
by 00GraceTheFangirl00
Summary: "The worst thing you can do to someome emotionally is stop talking to someone without an explanation. It ruins there self esteem and makes them sit for hours at a time mulling over every bad thing about themself wondering if thats why you stopped speaking to them and still not know. It makes them aware of every flaw they have it tears them apart and they never know why you left"


Apollo refused to open the door for anyone, he didn't want to see Athena or Hermes or Father or literally ANYONE right now. He didn't want to be reminded of the factshewasn't talking to him. Thatsherefused to acknowledge his presence. The one person in his forsaken "family" he could stand for long periods of time. (he wasn't counting minor gods and occasionally Hermes and Hestia) The last thing he wanted right now was to be alone. But he was. He was so dreadfully alone he felt sick. Intrusive thoughts ran rampant in his godly mind...

All he ever did was make people feel miserable, make things worse than they already are. What kind of joke was he living? He was Apollo. He wassupposedto be the forever cheerful, always bright, a devoted optimistic, the always happy-go-lucky god of the FREAKING sun, well heads up he wasn't. Shocker amirite?

Right now he was about as far fromhappyas he could possibly be in his godly existence. On one end, he wanted to surround himself by people, mortals, nymphs, minor gods or otherwise to try t drive away this hollow empty feeling. He feltlonely. But he knew surrounding himself with people would just make him feel worse. Watching peopletalkandlaughandsmileso easily was infuriating in the least. The way that they acted wasn't fake or forced or plastered on.Theyweren't expected to be so freaking optimistic 100% of the gods forsaken time.Theyweren't a god who had a reputation to uphold as fuckingcheerful. Him.Cheerful. Seemed like a sick joke right now.Theydidn't have to pretend to be happy for the sake of others. It made him seriously envious of them. They (for the most part, he isnt counting minor gods here) had everything he couldn't. A working family that didn't randomly cause goddamn wars or destroy motherfucking cities orjuststop talking to him for no given reason other than a glareand a sudden snap of the fingers and then she was gone leaving him alone in the throne room with only a faint breeze and the smell of a campfire and smores to tell him she had ever been there...

...he really was awreckwasnt he?...

...what kind of GOD was he? Freaking out because histwinsister was mad?...

But then the other end, what he really, maybe, kinda, possibly, totally, absolutely, wanted to do was go out anddrownhimself in alcohol.. To drink away the loneliness and sorrow that was plaguing him.

Either one would be better than the sinking empty feeling he was currently experiencing. He didn't even know WHY Artemis wasn't talking to him. He felt tears beginning to form in his eyes.What did he do wrong? Did he offend her? Did his flirting with her hunters cause one of them to quit the hunt?He felt even more anxious, intrusive thoughts fill his mind, and in turn making him feel even more empty inside, which should have been impossible. How could he possibly feel any worse?!?What did he possibly do wrong? What could he have done better than might have not resulted with this?

Everythinghis mind supplies.You annoyed her one too many times and now she wants nothing to do with you. You're a horrible brother. You managed to make your twin sister hate you, is that all your good for? You know you can't keep up this facade forever. You can't plaster on a fake smile and act happy endlessly you know. You always lie to yourself and say you're happy, do you really think you can keep this up forever? You can't lie away emotions after all.He wanted Artemis. He wanted his gods forsaken sister. He wanted her right now and he felthorriblefor wanting that. The one thing in this world he wanted most was for his sister to reassure him hewasn'tin fact a(worthless)failureat being her brother, at existing, ateverything.He so desperately wanted her to tell him that hewasn'thorrible.

All he wanted was for her to offer the leastbit of gratitude towards him for absolutelyanythingat-fucking-all. Just to know shecaresabout him.But alas, all she ever did was call him a jerk(nosy, clingy, rude, annoying, obnoxious, insufferable, intolerable, irritating, pain-in-the-neck, horrible, stupid, hot-head)and groan and look annoyed when he shows up to see her. She had never liked him he suddenly concluded.She only tolerates you, there is no reason for her to like a brother like you. All you do is annoy her. Why would she like you?He tried to hold back the tears collecting in his eyes but he couldn't. A single tear rolled down his cheek.You're so weak. Your crying for no reason. Somegod you are.He bit the inside of his cheek, hard. The salty tang of ichor in his mouth brought him back to reality. He absolutely needed to stop crying. He couldn't cry. He was a freaking Olympian! He was Apollo! He didn't cry! He was theSun God! He was supposed to be HAPPY.But look at you now. Crying like a mere child! What are you? An insignificant mortal infant?Why would ARTEMISever love a brother like you?Apollo felt the gaping hole of loneliness grow with every passing minute. Artemis hatedhim.And it was his fault.


End file.
